its been a while.
i haven’t bloggged in a really long time. but hey, why not? i mean, it works. plus, i wanna see those pics from last night, miss sara berfuckingnaski c:
its been a while.
but i needed to vent.
i love him. i really do.
but i can’t be his dormat. i can’t be the one who is always waiting with open arms. cuz the one with open arms is the one who leaves herself exposed and vulnerable. and i’ve taken that abuse with a smile for too long. im done with it, i’m sick of it, and if he doesn’t change his act, i’m dropping it.
its not even that i don’t want to forgive him. i simply can’t trust him and, so far, hes given me no reason to. i want nothing more than for him to take me into his arms and tell me everything will b ok and that i’m the only one he wants to b w. but ik that won’t happen. his damn pride and his damn rep keep him from that. oh, that and the fact that he thinks it FREAKING HILARIOUS to play games w me.
i feel like a turtle.
my life feels kinda funny right now….im excited for school, but not really…and then with will, i’m happy, but its different than before. its a good different, i’m pretty sure, but still. it’s not what i’m used to.
and then, in the rest of my life, i’m actually trying again. idk if anyone noticed, but for quite a while, i had stopped trying in anything. i had lost motivation, excitement, and enthusaism for anything. and now, i’m actually enojoying poms, i was looking at colleges the other day and i found one that i really like and i’m tryin my best to get my grades to where they need to be so that i can make early acceptance. cuz as fun as it is to be a nobody who doesn’t give a fuck about anything, its not gonna get u far in life. and there is wayyyyy too much lowlife scum in that area of life and i am done affiliating with that kind of male.
reinventing myself has begun.
questions? comments? concerns?
sarnowski fam shindig. it was great…..
my uncles got totally wasted and are absolutely freakking hilarilous!!!
i would have asked them to share the ciggs and booze, but nam was there…that would NOT have gone over well c:
so i was the only sober one there….cuz even nam was hittin the smokes.
gah. i had a headache the whole time…..:/
BUT it was fantabulous when my aunt started preaching to me about her religion…i totally went with the whole, ‘yes, i’m a god-fearing christian and i do believe all that bs in the bible’ approach to the convo. then she gave me boy advice and i had to pretend like i hadn’t already done all the stuff she was warning me about…..hehehe
i love family…they’re soooo naive….♥
have i ever mentioned how much i freaking love that place? i mean, i’ve always loved summerfest, but i haven’t truly appreciated how wonderful it really is til like, wednesday. and then i appreciated it again last night [only wayyyy more so this time]. altho, this morning, im tellin ya. NOT feelin so sparkley.
i’ve gotta get up.
got a dance lesson today, 915 am.
joy to the freakin world.
to like? or not to like? THAT is the question, dumbass hamlet.
hamlet totally got it wrong.
its not “to be or not to be”
its “to like, or not to like”
cuz honestly, hes given me nothing but SHIT since he found out. i mean, he was all sweet and nice before, but after i told him, idk. i’ve been kinda bitchy lately, but thats cuz hes not answering the question i want him to answer w/o me asking it straight out.
GOD why can’t guys read our minds??!!!??!!??!!??!!
it would be so much easier if they could just KNOW what we want them to do/ask/say!
back when i was blonde =]
viva la singlesville.
sooooo he dumped me.
my genius of a bf dumped my sorry ass and i don’t even care.
that’s kinda sad, ain’t it??
i mean, we had been dating for, if not a long time, at least a while.
and we had liked each other wayyy before too.
so we had a good friendship going on.
and so, because he decided that it was my fault that we weren’t communicating, he dumped me.